Since human beings are stubborn creatures who like being comfortable in their self-inflicted miseries, I am here to add fuel to your careless lifestyle, if that is what makes you happy. The internet and mainstream media are currently awash with information on what you need to eat in order to maintain a balanced diet.
The same media also keeps brushing those crispy sugary fatty junk foods on your face and the fast food restaurants make them smell better than anything in town, thus shifting your decision making capabilities from your head to your nose.
I also understand that you are a very busy person and you do not have time to order any other food apart from pizza, chips, and soda before going to the bar or in the house to watch that series.
We get it, You are special
I have also considered the fact that you really hate walking and you never leave your car or you have all the taxi apps on your home screen. The future is also looking bright for you since everyone selling anything today is offering free delivery services just to make you feel BOSS enough in your little heaven.
I truly respect your position as the self-proclaimed chairperson of the “plus-size people association” and your determination to make everyone else to join that circle and strongly curse those who dare leave by eating healthy. That is why you need to pull a chair and know why it is very important to continue “doing you” since according to you, everything about healthy living is just a scam anyway.
Why would a legend like you believe in this balanced diet nonsense when you have successfully proven your theory on why Corona virus is a capitalistic scam that was caused by 5G network? I will not argue with you. I will let you prosper in your choices. But since we are here, I will let you know some 5 reasons why your choices to avoid eating healthy is an excellent idea in this third decade of the millennium.
1. You have Made Peace with Early Death
The fact that chronic health complications such as stroke, cancer, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases may kill you is a non-issue; you would rather die early than subscribe to what nutritionists recommend for healthy diet. If that sounds like you, then you are doing really well by avoiding balanced diets.
Living long according to you is a waste of your time and resources. You don’t want to bother humanity with your old wisdom and you have chosen to be wise earlier by avoiding healthy foods. The good news is that your choice is perfect since it will lead you to your exact destination of an early death.
2. You Enjoy Being Obese
I can see you shrugging off my first point and saying that everyone will die anyway. I totally agree with you young philosopher. The thing is death has some honor in it. If you die an obese young man who never cared about anything; let alone his own body, many of your people will be very disappointed by the burden you have left them to carry (literary and illeterary). If you feel your calling is to keep adding weight and filling your body with sweat by just breathing, then you need to completely avoid any form of a balanced diet in your meals this year.
3. You Want to Always have Low Self-Esteem and Low Energy Levels
It seems you are a person who looks forward to thrive on living a life of low self-esteem and infecting people with mood swings around you in 2021. You have probably heard that famous French saying that “a sound mind is in a sound body” but you don’t like the sound of it. You want to be that person who is always taking portrait selfies or standing at the back of group photos to hide your body.
As you languish in misery, you want to be the guy hating on smooth-skinned people and accusing them of using filters since you cannot achieve the same smoothness. You want to be turning 70X77 times in the morning to charge your body so that it can agree to get out of the blanket. In the office, you want to be that lazy guy who keeps napping and cannot complete a five minute presentation without covering the whole floor with sweat. You want to be the guy taking the lift to the first floor.
If any of these descriptions fit your 2021 resolutions, stop what you are doing! Walk to the Ombudsman’s office and report any person trying to tell you to eat a balanced diet.
4. You Want to Reduce your Brain Functionality
If your brain struggled to open this link and read this article, your diet is actually achieving its intended purpose. If you find yourself here but your brain keeps pushing you to skip two or three sentences so that you can finish reading this and sleep, you are a promising “poor-diet-student.”
Again, If you come across any foods that contain vitamin E and omega-3 in your shopping basket, turn that basket into a basketball. Order your pizza and soda instead. Why would you want to sharpen your brain and deviate from your destructive objectives this solemn year?
5. You don’t Care About your Immunity
Your body is made of corrugated steel. We get it. You are different from us mere mortals who need a balanced diet of minerals, vitamins, proteins, carbohydrates, fats, and water to boost our immune system. Since you don’t have an immune system, why would you need all these humanly things? You have your ways of fighting diseases that our small human brains cannot comprehend. Good for you. We just hope your food scientists are right and you won’t need our doctors.
HAPPY NEY YEAR 2021.